can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
