My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
