woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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