I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
operation harelip BJ is a go
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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