so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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