matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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