called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
