Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
