I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
