the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
