I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
