Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
