I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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