How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
