apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
