I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
