There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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