She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
