How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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