That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
