we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
