i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
