she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
