can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
