You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
