dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
