if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
