No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
