I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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