just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
