I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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