I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
