I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
