well I can't set my house on fire every night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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