I think I am morally bankrupt
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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