Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
