All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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