I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
