i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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