Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
