New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
