I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
