I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
