The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
