I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
