She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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