I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
