using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
