I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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