I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
