He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
