So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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