i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
